Farewell!

As the new year begins,
And the old comes to an end.
We have new resolutions to keep up,
And new ones to break.

We have so much of “new” stuff around us..
And, there can’t be a more appropriate time for me to have a new blog too.

This will be my last post here, the 75th.

I’ll continue blogging..but elsewhere.
Feel free to scroll over the old ones, write a couple of comments and make me feel special

Love,
The random writer,
Sandhya.

A few picked from my inbox..

I was just doing the once-in-a-bluemoon, inbox cleaning yesterday. And found some SMSes that wasn’t of any particular significance. It didn’t have any detail or specific line. Or, it wasn’t a forwrd that i wanted to send. For a person like me, who doesn’t have any non-worthy SMSes, this came as a shock. I keep a select few messages and from select people only.

I just went through them. They didn’t hold much significance NOW. But they did, when I got them. Like you would’ve figured out by now, I’m one person who considers even SMSes to be special. Like how people find letters special, I have my own reasons to collect SMSes, save them and treat them close to my heart.

I was scrolling through and I found some which touched me, made me feel important and made it worth remembering. Here are some.. before I delete them.

BHARAT:- (I’m sure he’ll read this and I await his reaction for this!)
You’re so ungrateful. I did that so that we could talk more often without worrying about balance. Seems I Need not have done it from your current reaction. Btw, I might have tried your number many times over the last ten days despite knowing it isn’t working. Just in case you forgot and cus we hadn’t talked for long. Again you didn’t ask me to, but I did cus I wanted to talk to you.

This was when I changed my number and he casually cursed me for doing so as he had put my previous number on some scheme that’d enable cheap talking (not the other way round..you wild dreamers!) I had a usual attack of mood swing and it seems that I’d replied in a not-so-courteous manner and had taken it casually. I didn’t realise that when I sent it. But when I recieved this reply, I did realise I was ‘insensitive’  as he had quoted it.

It didn’t merely make me realise that I had been blunt and shrewd. But it also made me realise that there were people on earth who cared and concerned to talk to me, to hear my voice. There were people who bothered about my existence. He might have used words like ‘ungrateful’. But, he only made me feel important rather than disregarding me.
A person calling you despite knowing that your number isn’t working might sound like madness. But, yes, I’ve done that too. That’s what extreme people reach out to do for their loved ones. And, someone feeling bad because they hadn’t talked to me for long was a better gift to recieve than a scheme that would allow cost-effective talking.
People do things for they want you, want to talk to you. I find that the most special gift one can ever give and the best way one can ever express their gratitude to you. Thanks for making me feel important, special, wanted and loved.

(I can anticipate all sorts of reactions from Bharat after reading this one ranging from thankfulness to ridicule )

ALOK:- I’d asked him for his suggestions on a SMS scheme on Vodafone. He’s the one I can turn to for help anytime, anywhere. And, here was his reply.

“I don’t know of any scheme that would support you and benefit you now. But, With that excuze don’t stop messaging. Keep messaging. Let’s continue our old trend. Let’s be the same old friends.”

I wasn’t in touch with people for long. Thanks to my depression and to add on, was the problem with my number and the changes following it. I knew he felt bad. He desperately wanted to get back in touch. He wanted and craved for those good old days when we’d message each other 80 times a day! And, he’s just showed his concern, his craving in this message. This makes me feel wanted, loved and important again along with making me throw curses at my own self for giving importance to the ones who cared two hoots for me rather than showering it on these people.

ANKIT:- “Kal Fail. Pucca”

I’ve elaborated enough on this in my previous post. But, it urges me to thank him again for being there. For being frank. For relying upon me. For trusting me and being so open to me.

It is such people who make your living worthwile. Even a small SMS can touch you. Little things in life matter, I understand

Typical conversations before exams!

Before the exam..

I used to sit curled up in my bed with the blanket to protect me from sermons and “Po padi!” from all around. With books and papers strewn all over the place. With a deadline to complete two more model papers and submitt two more sample sheets. There was just solace and no-one but friends could’ve given me that!

Friend (most of them) here, mainly includes, Shaurabh, priya, Pranali, Ankit, Medhavi, Yuthi.

F: Kitna hua?
Me:Arre, mera kuch nahin hua..:(
F:Arre, dar mat! Mera bhi haal kuch waise hi hai!
Me:Accha se kitna hua bataa?
F:Mera aur 5 chaps baaki hai..
Me:Hmm..tera haal toh mere so toh better hai!
F:Chal, join the club! Mein bhi failures ke club mein hun..
Me:Tu kya top maarega! Aur, aisa modesty dikhata hai..
F:Arre, main hun na.. Accha bataa tera kitna hua?
Me:Mera aur 6 baaki hai..
F:Dun worry.. waise toh sab fail hone waale hai.. 6 ya 5 baaki hai..kuch farkh nahin padhta!

Me:Kitna hua?
F:Arre, aur 6 baaki hai.. tera?
Me: (occassionally, when I’d be in a position where I’d have finished more.) Mera 4 baaki hai..
F:Arre, tu toh topper hai!
Me: Main? haha, accha joke maara yaar!
F:Mein toh fail..
Me: Same pinch

F:Kal toh fail!
Me: Yay! Me too!
A second friend: I’m joining the gang too!
F: Same pinch.
Me: Hum kitna besharam hai na? (The smiley itself shows the extent of besharmi! )
F:Isme besharam ka kyaa hai? Hum sach ko maanke chal rahe hai!
Me:Yeah, we shud be proud.. we know what to expect

Me:Kal pucca fail! Joining me?
F:Yeh koi poochne ki baat hoti hai?
Me:Hum saath jeeyenge saath marenge!
F: Aur ab saath mein fail honge!

These are just a few. I can’t remember all of them. And, my inbox memory is too low to store all. Moreover, the number of exams are too many

Before every exam, I have such chats with every friend of mine. When you haven’t even done half your portions. You still have just a couple of hours to go. You have to necessarily skip half the portions. When you have no way out but to skip chapters and run through pages. When you’re blindly reading through and nothing gets into your head. When you forgot what you read just two minutes back. When all that you had studied previously evaporates..

When there is fear, tension, stress, worry, tears.. There comes some kind of solace from your friends. At least to know that they’re there with you, irrespective of whether they actually mean it or not. To know that they’re also going through the same. They are also struggling..

Thanks for being there as roses in hell!

Especially when they say things like “Hum saath jeeyenge saath marenge”. Like parents keep saying, they will pass. you will fail. They will leave you and go. they will walk over. They might do it.. But, they’ve still been the solace that you needed at THAT moment.

I remember that line so vividly
“Hum Saath Fail bhi honge”.

Career tantrums.

Yesterday we had our Parent-teacher meeting. An incident in everyone’s life. Somethign every student dreads. Every two-three months, this bomb drops over us. Fear starts creeping in from the moment it is announced. Butterflies in the tummy. Shivers. Shudders. Head aches. Sleepless nights. Nightmares. And…Oh those few moments! Literally, equivalent to death. Pre-conceived thoughts scaring us. Picturizations of us getting beaten up. Rumours doing rounds. Report cards staring at us.

Yesterday, my mum met my teacher and my teacher went on repeatedly questioning me about my career. What have I decided and chosen. What course,  my ambition, my preferences, universities, abroad or here..?? Bla bla and bla.

Moreover, for the past few months, we’ve slowly realised that we have just one more year to go in school. That;ll be our last year. And, then it’ll be time for us to part ways. Moreover we had 3 Idiots, releasing around the corner that incited more of the feeling into us. We have already developed fears of parting ways and missing each other. We have already had crying sessions over phone. Though we have more than a year to go, very often our voices get choked thinking about life a year later. Where we would be, what we would do, how far would we be from each other..
There were days when we promised of being with each other, meeting up every vacation, talking over phone everyday, and finding work in the same place, living in the same PG accomodation and dreamt of attending each otehrs’s weddings and being each otehrs’ bridesmaid!

Moreover, 3 Idiots, the song “Behti Hawa” brings tears to our eyes. We imagine situations like two friends hunting for the third one, even if it means going around the country without wearing pants.

All these things have suddenly made me realise that teh time has come. I have to decide. I have to move out in a year. I’ll no more be protected in the four walls of school. Life has been nothing beyond the four walls of school for the last 16 years. I knew nothing except school and home. Now, is the time, when I have to face the outside world. Meet new people. And, now is the time when I’ll actually face life. I’ll be leaving behind the familiarity. My friends, I’ll be parting with them.

All this makes me wonder..
How would it be if we can just continue in school forever, till we complete education. Why should we have to write entrances? Why is there soemthing called college? Why can’t they have higher studies in school itself.? Like how we passed from 10th and came over to 11th, why can’t we pass 12th and move over to a thirteenth, equivalent to college?

Can’t we just forever be at school, till we finish our education and then directly jump onto work? Can I not have the six years of college education in school itself? Can school not stop with just 12th and instead go on till say 17th or 18th standard?

-A perplexed soul.

When they make my living worthwile..

I just changed my status message on Gtalk to “Talking to Priya, Pranali, Aparna and Pavithra makes my day! Nothing can give me as much satisfaction as hearing out their voices.” There were one dozen people questioning me about who they are and if talking to them wasn’t important or if they weren’t important to me. I actually sat and thought back..

Nothing gives me as much satisfaction. It makes my day complete. Their absence makes me feel so incomplete and as if I have missed out on something. I feel a void. I feel my head is aching, my stomach is growling, my hands are itching and my head is heavy. I just can’t resist but to go the phone and automatically dial their numbers as if it is a reflex movement. There is a sense of blankness, a feeling of missing or leaving out something.

To hear Pranali shedding tears already about parting ways after another year, to hear her choked voice, gives me confidence that there is someone who loves me.

To hear Pavithra’s assurances and her promises, the way she explicitly expresses what she feels for me and openly tells out her feelings about me, her one-liners about me, make me feel so special and worthwile in life.

To hear Priya time and again say that she has no-one but me, to time and again rely on me, turn to me for help, open up all her secrets to me, assures me of someone I always can rely upon and that I have someone whom I can fall back upon at any case.

To see Aparna call me immediately if I don’t talk to her for two days shows me that there’s someone who is concerned about me, someone who cares about me even though we stay miles away in different places for more than 2 years now.

Truly, they’re people who’ve unknowingly caught a place in my life, who’ve made my life worth living, who’ve given me something beyond what anyone else has given, something that can’t be mentioned in words. They’ve made me feel special, important and loved.

This post is for all the four of you, for having been there with me, for having played such a pivotal role in my life, for making my life worth living.. This is dedicated to you

Love.

An Update :)

The ending of the year was bad. And, the effect of it lasted even as the new year began. And, so the beginning of the new year also wasn’t great. Followed by it, was just normal life with school. And, school does bring along little joys and life began to regain back to its normal. Life went at its own pace with those little joys and cherishable moments that made me forget the badness and the bad new year. Following the normal pace of life, were a few more bad happenings. I thought life would get back to normal. And, it did seem so. But there were sudden bombs!

Probably the most saddest part of life. The worst punishment that God can give you. Death. Something that just goes byond a “bad happening”.
It has been a not-so-great time for me right from the time I heard the first news of a death. And, it didn’t stop with death. It carried over to deaths. This phase started with the most unexpected happening right in the beginning of the year.

It was a death of a close family friend. Who was our maternal family’s neighbour for years. The aunty whose husband passed away is my grandmother’s best friend. The uncle and aunty treated my mother and her siblings like their own kids and so my mother was very attached to him. They were like a part of our family. They spent time in each others’ places. The kids worked in the same place, travelled together. And, even after years of shifting and moving to different places, that aunty still came to see me as a kid. She talks to my grandmother every day.
So, this was a blow to the whole family.

This was followed by my dad’s uncle’s death who was 83 and suffered from pneumnia. He was the closest relative from my dad’s side. And he was like my dad’s own parents since he lost his parents at an early age. I’ll blog about this great man, and I owe him a post since he is someone whom I look upto! May your soul rest in peace Kaku

May God give me some nice-ness in life and also give the families of the bereaved to face it bravely.

Contrasts. :)

Disclaimers:-

• Names not mentioned on purpose.
• Personal preferences and opinions.

We were casually discussing about careers and life at home. While talking, we ought to come up with names and my mum tends to cite examples. I also, talk about people who’ve previously chosen careers, people who’re known to me, the careers they choose, the universities they’ve been in, their work profile post education, higher qualification and such.

We suddenly spoke about a known person to us.
She was from a not so well to do family, with a poor background in fact. I’ve heard from My mum that she was brought up in situations and circumstance that we can’t imagine would’ve happened in our family. listening to her story is like watching a cinema. So unbelievable and it was it such a circumstance that she was brought up. Her father was a drunkard though he was well educated. Was came home drunk, beat her mother and her grandmother. The girl had a slightly elder sister. Thanks to his habit of drinking, he didn’t go for work and subsequently the family was in doldrums. The mother and grandmother secretly made snack items and cooked for people to make an earning and that was how they educated the girls. Both were girls and I hear that they ate rice just once in a day. It was mostly oats in the morning, rice in the afternoon and the left-overs for the night. Vegetables were rare and anything else apart from this routine was luxury. Even their eating habit had a fixed routine.

The girl took up commerce. Pursued it. Did a CA, equipped herself. And, she did her best in what she chose. She stood all-India first. And, now works with a MNC earning lakhs with a bunglaow, a chauffer driven car, a marraige fully at her own expense, a Rollsroyce.

I hear that she studied just to escape the drama that went on in her house. She was all involved in her books because she didn’t want to see what was happening outside. It was amidst such situations that she grew up. And today she is a lakhpati. She wanted to earn and live a luxurious life, because she had seen life in poverty. She knew the difficulty of leading a life without money. She knew the value of it. She knew how important it is in life. She took an oath and almost worked for it as if it was her only aim to earn. It almost seemed like she had taken a resolution never to see her children suffer poverty and to give her parents a better life. Never to let them suffer their life, at least in the later stages, because of money.

Another story that immediately came up was that of another known person.

This girl was born with a silver spooon. She was a daughter of a lakhpati already. She was fully born and brought up in the US. And, studied in an international school. She was grown up like a princess with just the best in life. She had her own car at the age of 18 and spent all her dad;s money to go vacationing to other countries at the age of 16. She coloured her hair every week. And, she was given nothing but the best. Best of education, best background, best talents, dance class, guitar classes.. and what not! She would suit “Ameer baap ka iklauta beta!”

She chose to do some basic studies. She did some diploma just for the heck of it. Came back to India, worked in the slums. Worked for urban empowerment. Researched on Urban poverty. Sat with the people of the slum and interviewed them. And, now works for a NGO full-time.

Who is more successful?
Is it the one who earns more? Or, the one who is doing good? The one who has come up the hard way or the one who has chosen the hard way? The one more qualified or the one who wants to qualify others? The one who works to see she and her family never suffers or the one who works to see others don’t suffer?

Is it the one who is working for what she studied?
Or, the one who is following her passion?

To me, it seems like, both of them have been successful in their on ways. On the face of it, it might seem like the girl who works for the NGO is more successful in her life. But, I have a differing opinion.

The first one knew the difficulty of poverty and saw to it that she would never let such days come again for her and her family. She couldn’t have afforded to work in a NGO or research on slums. Her necessity was different. She needed money. While the second girl had enough money to actually work for a NGO. MOney wasn’t her primary necessity. She could afford not to earn. She didn’t have to earn to support the family. And, so she took up her passion.

Priorities were different. necessities were different!
 But, ultimately, both of them achieved their goals and walked to their ambition. And, they have both been successful in achieving their own aims.

On behalf of Priya..

PRIYA IS MY BEST FRIEND.

You should’ve known that by now. If you haven’t, I hope you know that now at least. If you still don’t know, you have no right to do anything with me. Not even read my blog.

Exaggeration fullstop

She’s an immenself talented writer and I’m a fan of her writings too. She has an incredible language with a very easy and smooth expression that can seem very stylish and hi5. It is this simplicity that I’m a fan of. But since she doesn’t have a net connection, she doesn’t blog. Moreover she doesn’t write often except in English exams nor does she know and accept of her writing. Not because she wants to be modest about it. But because she is like Lord Anjaneya, who has to be reminded of his powers.

But what I’m gonna write down below is her experience and was wonderfully narrated by her to me. And, it was because of her own thrill and also because I was able to relate to it, I was happy for her and I was thrilled too because it had something to do with me. Since she is not able to blog about it, I wish to blog about that, remembering her wonderful, thrilling, exciting narrations.

It was Diwali time. (By the way, let me also apologise for the delay. This happened long back, during Diwali. But, time constraints )

This Diwali was dull for my friends and me. I was out of station. Moreover, it was immediately after our second round of tests which were unimaginable bad followed by a Parent teacher meet that made it even more worse. A bad mood for parents subsequently taken out on us and evn worse, we were filled of guilt. How better can it be for 11th std CBSE students. Life has no celebrations or festivities. It is one of those times when the whole year is a punishment and even if you hope for a better time to come, you can be sure that you won’t get it as long as the year ends. vast portions, new subjects, unknown concepts, un-understandable topics.. and everything that surrounded us like ghosts to scare us!

And, moreover the eco-friendly stuff was the in-thing. Being teenagers and so-called stakeholders of the environment, the future of the country and what not, we couldn’t practice non environment friendly habits. Even if we wanted to, somehow the festivity mood was missing. Thanks to certain other factors as mentioned above.

Despite all this dullness, Priya’s new year ws lit up. Not by crackers or by lamps. But by a surprise visit from the new friends whom we’d made just then. Mayur, dressed in a traditional Kurta, standing tall at six feet, when we only get to see him in casual Tees and shorts always. A handome dulha-type Aakash (mostly in his cool-avtaar). A traditional Pranav whose mere presence itself was pleasant. Came the three, Aakash, Pranav and Mayur.

They were new friends. They were wonderful people. They were handsome-ly dressed (for us;)) and traditionally dressed, which was enough to impress her parents. They came to exchange greetings, spent some time chatting and paying their respects and getting familiar with Priya’s parents. They were offered sweets and all fo them had a merry time with the sweets and greets.
I could almost picturize how it would’ve been to see these three handsome guys dressed traditionally

What more did she need for a Diwali. How better can it be lit up.

New friends taking pains all the way to come to your house. Spending time with you and your family instead of their own families. It brought tears.

Was it really necessary for them to spend their time, with her, who is just a new-found friend that too on an occassion? Wasn’t it sweet of them?

For you, as a reader and an outsider, it might sound strange as to why we should be so happy to have our friends home. Friends coming home happens in every house, with everyone. But, this was special. They were three people we admired and never thought they would actually take out time and consider us important I found it thrilling because I could relate to it and I know it wouldn’t be as much thrilling for you, and apologies for that!

The new entry!

I’ve always believed in horoscopes and predictions. I’ve always followed sunsigns and keep a track of it very regularly, sometimes almost daily. They’ve been true in my life, at many instances which has forced me to believe in it. And, they’ve given me confidence as to what to expect. They give me some sort of a satisfaction. I’ve matched my compatabilities, studied my compatable signs and studied signs of my best friends.

But, the past year, I met a lot of new people. And, got close to a lot of them too. To my surprise, most of them whom I met and got close belonged to the same sunsign and were “Cancerians”.

Here, in thise post, I’ll not write about them. I’ll not write about my experiences or good times with them. But, since it was the netry of a new sign in my life, Cancerians have never been so close to me and this year ONLy they’ve been close to me! I’m just gonna write a few lines about the people close and what I can figure out from their character.

Later sometime, I’ll write about the sing “Cancer”. And, Cancerians. These people have surely helped me a great deal in understanding the sign. And, it is of my interest that I write what I discovered about them.

Pranali- Externally jolly, internally confused and perplexed. Seeks attention. Wants to desperately be like others. Highly fickle. Gets fascinated soon. And, decieved even more easily. By nature, very demure but tries to act smart and bully-ish. Can’t judge people easily. Wants to befriend everyone, and mostly in a desperate situation. Wants to emulate people and copies the ones who fascinated her. Doesn’t exactly know what she wants. She wants everyone at the same time wants a particular someone.

Pranav- Similar characteristics as Pranali. Very profound internal thinking but gives a very casual and happy-go-lucky impression outside. Knows what is what but doesn’t put it to use in his own life. Wants people around but can’t find the one he actually needs. Thinks a lot but doesn’t disclose it outside. Wants to maintain a jolly-next-door-guy figure among others.

Akshay- He is more of a person whom I admire than someone whom I see as a friend. But, surely, he also seems perplexed about a lot of things though maintains a very jovial character to people outside. He is always laughing and ready to crack “kadis” though his thinking is very intense at times and he can think deeply contrary to what he projects. Anna, You’re someone whom I wanna respect, so I better stop it here!

Mayur- Careless, carefree, casual kind of person outside. But, has an understanding of things inside himself. Doesn’t open up much. More to himself. Though looks friendly, isn’t really intimate and close to anyone. Very popular and maintains a hero figure but chooses to lead a private life without opening out much to anyone. He is among the ones whom I haven’t got really close to! And..still there’s a lot more I would like to study about him.

Revanth- A mixture of Pranali and Pranav. A deep thinker. Thinks very intensely. But, the thinking stops internally. Externally, is desperate and hence gets decieved and fascinated. Externally, doesn’t potray his thoughts and thinking and doesn’t put them to use. Very open, but the innermost thoughts are kept inside itself because he can’t understand them himself. Can’t judge people because of the weakness of getting decieved. A wonderful human being by nature, but is a little too desperate about everything that leads to complications like getting decieved and upset and cheated/betrayed very soon.

I love some unique qualities of these people and some are just too annoying for a Saggittarian like me. But, still they’re wonderful people and I heartily welcome Cancerians into my life They’re wonderful friends for life and I’m sure the above qualities have given you a brief idea of how these people are. But, I’m sure to sum that up and give a clear breifing very soon with more inputs and generalisation than taking it up individually!

Love you people and thanks for entering my life

Back into Nostalgia!

I wrote three blog posts yesterday and all of them were concerning school life, my past, cherishable moments and ultimately can be summed up as nostalgia Today also, the mood hasn’t seem to have walked away from me. I’m still suffering from fangs of Nostalgia.

When I wrote about “Our city tour” and our freaking out session, I remembered one another day when we had such an oppurtunity but we couldn’t make it.

It was the same set up again.
Special classes. Left early. HAd a ready excuze. Enough time in hand. Best friend along with me. But.

But…
Nothing happened that day!
My Mum was to go out with her friends and my dad had to go to office (Going to office on a holiday is nothing new to him and us. And, it is a ritual for us )
Unfortunately, I goofed up. And, I didn’t bring my house keys along.

And, to make it further worse, my dad met my teacher who took the extra classes and she casually mentioned that the classes would get over by ten. My dad thought it wasn’t necessary for me to pick up the keys because I would be home by eleven and he would be at home then. I din’t know a casual statement from my teacher could actually ruin my enjoyment and life. It ruined a potential “city tour”, a cherishable event from my life was prevented from happening.

I didn’t wanna disappoint my friend because we’d already planned the post-classes session. I didn’t know how to tell her. We were so thrilled about the plan and we’d already planned what to do, where to go etc. And, it is such things that keep us bonded and it is these little things that we’d cherish and remember our friendship for. So, I managed to squeeze in some time and tell my dad that the classes would last for another hour. And, I thought of making up stories like “the bus came late” “I just missed the bus.. so had to wait for the next one” and extend my curfew time.

Unfortunately, the excuzes couldn’t work for long. And, moreover I felt guilty about keeping my dad waiting at home and consequently he keeping his subordinates at office wait. Just because I wanted to freak out with my friend, doesn’t mean I upset twenty people’s schedules. Freaking out was surely secondary as compared to office work, told the sensible side of me. The feared side of me told me that I would have to wait outside the hosue till evening if I couldn’t manage the keys and if I was late! So, I obviously had to leave.

Because I didn’t wanna disappoint my friend, I managed to take her to Westside just to walk around. But by the time, we were out of the place it was time for me to leave. I made her understand the situation. Even if I hadn’t, she would’ve Either ways!

But, I vividly remember this sentence that she muttered.

“I have time. I have an excuze. I have money that I’d neatly arranged anticipating this plan. I have my best friend along with no-one else. I don’t have to answer my parents. What more do I need in life! What more does it take for me to enjoy life! But still I can’t freak out. I’m forced to go home. And, stare at my books.”

She surely uttered it out of desperation. But it hurt me. And, it also made me realise that it requires just a best friend to keep you happy in life
On the other side, I was happy that she mentioned that I was her best friend and I was a definite element in her life for enjoyment. I was overwhelmed that I stemed an important part of our life. I was important to her, I realise..and It gave me more satisfaction than the city tour would’ve given

I truly agree. Soemtimes, it’s just a best friend you need to make you feel special